General Tips and Tricks

Copy of For When You're Feeling Burned-out

For When Vacation is Over

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Vacation, no matter the time of year, is meant to be: Recharging. Refreshing. Fun. A change in scenery.

Here are a few things it also inadvertently does…

– leaves us longing for more

– makes us question our career (why can’t work be more fun!?)

– gives us a temporary boost of gratitude and energy.

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sick of temporary.  I don’t want my work to be the source of my emotions.  I don’t want the people around me to dictate what I think or how I feel about myself or the world.

Instead, I want to tap into the ultimate source of joy.  The ultimate source of fulfillment.  The ultimate source of what is good.

Rather than riding the vacation high, (that may only last until noon today), try meditating on this verse and praying the prayer below:

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore,” Psalm 16:11

Dear God,

YOU are the ultimate source of my joy and fulfillment.  As I go back to work, please remind me that my purpose is not in my career but in loving and being loved by you.  Please protect me from the trap of achievement and comparison.  Help me to walk in the confidence and joy of being your daughter.  Sustain me God and be my source!  I love you.  It’s in your son’s name that I pray,

Amen.

Praying with you friend.  Remember that God is with you as you step back into reality.

All my love,

Hala

3 Tips for When You're Feeling Burned-out

For When You’re Feeling Burned-Out

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We each have days, seasons or even years where we experience exhaustion, frustration, and stress in our personal or professional life (or both!).

In times of burn out, society and culture say “treat yo-self!” Take one day completely to yourself to do whatever you want.  The hard thing is, that one day might feel great, but our day-to-day real life still brings the fatigue, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.

God says,

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly,” Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Rather than waiting for that one day of freedom, here are a few things you can do today to lighten your load:

1.Share with God what is causing you to feel burned out. It doesn’t have to be polished, just tell him! He wants you to “come to me.” You can say this prayer:

Dear God,

Work is hard. Obligations at home are hard. I can’t seem to do anything well or right, and I’m tired. These are the specific things that are bringing me stress…

2. Throughout your day when you sense the stress, anxiety, fatigue, and frustrations tell God in the moment.  Try short prayers like:

God,

You say you’re walking with me and that I should watch how you work. The stress is here, show me how to manage it.

3. Start your day or end your day in the word. God wants us to keep company with him, and the best way to do that is by reading His word. 

If you are a young professional woman experiencing a season of stress and would like assistance with managing it, let’s have a conversation.  As a life and career coach, my goal is to help women fall in love with their life in a way that honors God.  I do that through courses, retreats, 1-on-1, and group coaching programs.  To see which option is best for you, you can schedule a free introduction call with me by sending me an email to halasahlman@hrslifecoaching.com.

Praying for you friend!  Remember God is with you through it all.

Peace and love,

Hala

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If you find yourself complaining a lot…read this!

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If you’re complaining about your life, your job, your relationship status, etc…

…You’re likely dissatisfied with your life.

Dissatisfied: : expressing or showing lack of satisfaction : not pleased or satisfied; discontent; not happy.

We all go through seasons of dissatisfaction.  Whether or not we stay in a season for an extended period of time is all about how we respond to the feelings of frustration, unhappiness, and discontentment.

A typical response to dissatisfaction is to look around at others we deem as happy, and copy whatever we think they’re doing right in their life.  If it’s a coworker who seems fulfilled by working late hours, taking on all the projects, and giving her all to her job then we might try to do the same.  If it’s a friend who seems fulfilled by a dating relationship we might think that’s what we need to be truly happy.  Maybe it’s a mom friend who is able to manage working from home, three kids, household chores, and all the other mom duties with joy and grace; we might think that’s what we have to do to be satisfied.

The problem with trying to do what everyone else is doing, is that you miss the opportunity to discover what will bring YOU satisfaction, joy, and fulfillment.

This January I’m giving women the opportunity to pause once a week for an hour and a half, reflect on their current life, discover the ways they have been trying to find fulfillment, tune into who they were created to be, and make a plan to actually find the satisfaction they are craving.

I’m doing this through a 5 week course called Return to You.

Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

There are SO MANY patterns of this world that we fall into on a regular basis and we need God’s word, the support from others, reflection, and stillness to renew our mind.

Comparison is one of those patterns.

Others include…

Self deprecation, or convincing yourself that you’re selfish

Believing you are unworthy of love, healing, joy, or fulfillment

Pushing down your emotions in the name of accomplishment and achievement

Allowing fear and anxiety to drive your choices, actions, and views

What are the patterns ruling you? 

How long have they been ruling you?

How much longer are you willing to let them rule you?

You do not have to live complaining and dissatisfied any longer.  God is calling you to NOT conform to the patterns of this world, so don’t.  Join us this January to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, and in doing so return to you.

Join us here to Return to You- the woman you were always intended to be.

 

Why Moving Home is a Good Thing

Why Moving Home is a Good Thing, and Also How to Survive it!

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I know the initial thought of moving home can be a shocker for most, but it is actually much more common than you realize!  Many people move home at some point within five to ten years after graduating from college. Some use it as a home base to land as they are pursuing their first job.  Some use it as a way to save up for purchasing a home. Still others move home because they are trying to figure their life out, and it is helpful to do that in a space they feel safe.  Moving home is actually a good thing, even though it gives you all the cringey embarrassed feelings at first.

Here are a few pros to moving home.  The first is you can save money. Unless your parents choose to charge you a crazy amount for rent (you should take this as a hint that they want you to move out btw), you are likely to save a LOT of money by moving home.  It might be a good way to start paying off loans, or start saving for future investments. Many couples choose to move in with their parents or in laws to save up for a home of their own one day.  

Moving home can also be a way to ground yourself after or during a transitional time in your life.  For example, if you are just graduating from college you are going to experience a plethora of emotions and changes.  Having a familiar space with a community surrounding you can be a helpful support system as you learn to adjust to adulthood.  Similarly, if you are going through a break up of some kind moving home is beneficial because you are with people who love you in an environment which can help you feel like yourself again.    

While moving home has many pros, it also has a comparable amount of cons.  However, the negative aspects of moving home can be either avoided or managed by keeping the following in mind.  

You are in your parents’ (or significant other’s parents’) space.

While home will always be your home too, you have to keep in mind that it first and foremost belongs to your parents.  This can be a challenge because you remember what it was like when you lived there full time. Your parents, however, have adjusted their lifestyle to living without you home and are now needing to adjust back to you being there.  It is important that you talk to them about their new routines since you have left home. They might have evening shows they like to watch now, or morning breakfast routines that you are not aware of. Being respectful of their new schedules and ways of using their home will allow for a more positive experience for you.  You can then express your routines and schedule and find compromises.

Your schedule is important too.

Even though you are in your parents space, your schedule or routines also matter.  If you’re coming straight from college, chances are your sleep schedule is probably VERY different from your parents.  You probably either stay up late, or stay out until late. Expressing this to your parents is very important. They will likely resort back to worrying about where you are or what you are doing if you do not communicate with them from the get go how you are planning to spend your time.  It might be a good idea to have an agreed upon time when you will be home. Not as a curfew, but as a courtesy of your new roommates. Deciding on a door to come in so as not to wake them up is also a good idea. Just remember, that communication is key. It is okay for you to want to do your own thing, but remember to be respectful of your parents as well.  

Talk about who is going to do the cooking.

As weird as this might sound, food can be a major dilemma when you move home.  Parents, mom’s in particular, fall back into mama bear mode and want to cook and take care of you.  While this might be nice for a few weeks, eventually you will find that you want to eat differently and/or have a bit of your own space.  If you don’t decide this on your own, your mom might have the realization that she doesn’t have the time to take care of you as much as she would like.  Being able to gently express these thoughts and feelings to one another will make a major difference in your living environment. Telling your mom which nights of the week you would like to cook or grocery shop will not only make your life easier, but hers as well!  Use this time as a way to learn from her also. Maybe you are not comfortable grocery shopping or cooking all on your own. Ask for some nights when you can do those things together! Now is your opportunity to grow and learn so that when you are living on your own you can take care of yourself.  If you’re moving home after already having lived by yourself, taking a few nights to cook is probably a good idea. As long as you all talk about an agreed upon arrangement, and everyone is happy life will be good.   

Identify some spaces you can call your own.

Whether it’s your bedroom, your own bathroom, a small TV room, or even just an area of the backyard make sure you have some spaces within the house that you can call your own and not be bothered in.  As wonderful as family is, it is a major adjustment to go from living separately to living together again. Being able to retreat to your own room will help your mental health while living at home. Maybe have a computer or TV in your room so that you can watch your own shows too.

Have a job and activities outside of the house.

Sometimes we move home because we don’t have a job.  That’s okay! Do your best to get one, even if it’s just in a coffee shop or nannying or dog walking for a while.  Getting out of the house is vital to your survival at home. Spending all day watching TV, playing video games, or sleeping in will only make you feel worse.  Even as you look for a job, set a schedule for yourself. Have an alarm go off in the morning, get up and shower, go to a location that has WiFi and do your job searching there.  Acting as a professional will help you feel more independent and will set you up for success when you do have a job. It is also recommended that you join groups or communities in the evenings.  Maybe you have some friends who are also living at home. Perfect! Go to trivia nights together, or plan outings in the afternoons and evenings so that you have a social life and aren’t cooped up all day and night.  

Try to set a timeline for how long you will be home.

When you first move home, set a goal for when you want to move out by.  Maybe it’s a few months, a year, or a few years. Whatever your timeline is, set a goal and do your best to stick to it. Knowing there is an end in sight will help you get through the days that are hard.

No matter what, there will be ups and downs to living at home just as there are ups and downs to living with roommates.  Overall though, you’re making a good choice to move in with the rents as long as it’s just for a time 😉 If you need some help during this transitional time let me know!  I’m always just a phone call away!

Peace, love, and moving home,

Hala

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Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Why Being Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable is so Important

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When I was coaching college lacrosse, a theme we tried to teach the girls was “being comfortable with being uncomfortable.” We had them catch while holding their sticks in awkward positions, throw passes that were too high or too wide, and we would put them in situations where they would feel uncomfortable with the ways they were catching, throwing, and sometimes moving. The point of this was to show that play during games isn’t perfect- you have to be ready for anything that comes your way, and still be able to play YOUR game. You have to get used to feeling out of place so that when it happens in a game, you know how to push through that feeling of uncomfortable-ness and continue to play to your full potential.

It’s the same thing in life.  We need to be okay with situations that make us uncomfortable, and need to get to a place where no matter what, we find comfort and confidence in who we are.  It is important to spend time with those who make us feel most like ourselves, and also in settings and/or environments where we thrive. It is just as important, however, to spend time with people who are different from us, and to go to places that we are unfamiliar with.  Maybe these places are a different town or country, maybe it’s just sitting with a new group of people at lunch. Having uncomfortable conversations about politics, gender, religion, relationships, etc. allows us to grow and learn. It also allows us to form our own opinions and prepares us for future conversations that are similar.  Being uncomfortable is actually vital to our individual growth.  

While coaching the drills to teach comfort during discomfort on the field, we taught our players that with every uncomfortable situation they found themself in at practice, they would be that much more confident and prepared for the game. With every awkward pass and catch, they grew into a more well rounded and flexible player. We reminded them they would be prepared for anything that came their way.

Learning how to manage our feelings when in an awkward situation is also important to our growth.  When you are uncomfortable here are a few things you can do to control your feelings and in turn treat the situation as a learning experience:

Breath

It sounds simple, but taking a few deep breaths will calm your nerves and give you more control over your body and emotions.  It will also give you a few moments to think and process what is happening around you.

Listen and ask questions.

A lot of times when we are uncomfortable we become defensive and argumentative.  Rather than allowing yourself to respond negatively, shift your mindset to listen to others and ask them questions.  Even if you don’t agree with everything that is being said around you, ask questions to understand where the other people are coming from.

Share who you are in a non argumentative way.

You were created with your own thoughts, opinions, strengths and passions.  Allow yourself to share who you are with others, in a non judgmental and non argumentative way.  There’s a chance other people can learn from you too. With every moment that we, as people, are open about who we are, we grow. 

Being uncomfortable is not a pleasant feeling, but it’s one we need to become accustomed to if we are wanting to mature in our understanding of people, ourselves, and the world around us.  I challenge you to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation this week, and do your best to be comfortable with it. Let me know how it goes!

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How to Set a Goal

How to Set a Goal and Follow Through With it!

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Most people have a love hate relationship with “goals.”  They love the idea of having them, but hate the thought because they never follow through.  Goals can be rewarding, or frustrating depending on how you approach them, and how you write them.  Chances are, if you strongly dislike goals or goal setting, you probably aren’t doing it right. Let’s talk about the easiest way to set a goal, and follow through with it.

Ever heard of SMART goals?  It’s a bit of a cheesy acronym, but let me tell yah, it works!  When you think about setting a goal you want to think through whether it is SMART or not.  SMART stands for the following: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-based.

Specific

Starting out with a specific goal is very important.  Let’s say your goal has to do with saving money. You might start out by saying “I want to save up for a house.”  While this is a great goal to have, there are some weaknesses to it. The first is that it isn’t specific enough. How much do you want to save for a house?  What kind of house do you want to save for? Including this information in your goal will help you to have a more clear picture of what you are doing. Let’s make it more specific by saying “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house.”  Now we’re getting somewhere.

Measurable

The next part of the goal to focus on is to make it measurable.  In other words, can you tell you are making progress towards, and have reached your goal?  Right now as our goal stands, we have no way to measure it: “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house.”  Cool, but how do we know we can actually do that? Let’s add in something about saving a certain amount of money each month or each paycheck.  Maybe you can afford to not go out to eat as much, or shop as much. Let’s say you want to save $1,000 a month. Your new goal becomes: “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house by saving $1,000 a month.”  Getting closer!

Attainable

This means that it’s something we can actually do.  Maybe saving $1,000 a month is realistic, and maybe there is no way you can save that much and still afford to pay all the bills.  You need to consider what is best for you, and something you can achieve. If that number needs to be adjusted, do it! Don’t make a goal that you can’t actually meet.

Relevant

You also want to think through if this goal is relevant to your life and current situation.  Is now the right time to be saving for a house, or should you be saving to pay off loans instead.  Or maybe you’re in high school and saving for a house makes zero sense. Think through the goal you are writing and make sure it makes sense to your current situation.

Time-Based

Lastly, make sure your goal has a timeline in it.  If we only saved $1,000 for two months, we would be nowhere near our goal of saving $20,000.  When do you want to buy a house by? How long do you think it will take? Add in a time line. You new goal could be something like: “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house by saving $1,000 a month for two years.”  Boom! We now have a SMART goal.

Some other examples of SMART goals could be: 

  •  I will get more fit by going to the gym 3x a week and following the workout plan designed by my trainer for the next two months.   
  • I will drink more water by bringing two full 30 oz water bottles with me to work and finishing the first by lunch and the second by the time I leave the building.
  • I will spend more time with my family by leaving work at work, plugging my phone in when I get home from work and leaving it there until the kids go to bed, and planning a family dinner twice a week for the next three months.
  • I will read more by turning the TV off at 7 each night and spending an hour reading instead.
  • I will go to bed earlier by turning the TV off at 8 each night, plugging my phone in in a different room (besides the bedroom), getting in bed by 8:30 and spending 30 minutes reading or journaling.

 

What goal do you have that you need assistance writing a SMART goal for?  Let me know below and let’s see what we can come up with!  

Peace, Love, and SMART Goals,

Hala

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5 Things To Do For You This Week

5 Things To Do For You This Week

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One of the main reasons we get stressed and anxious is because we get wrapped up in obligations, deadlines, work projects, other peoples’ problems, deadlines, family responsibilities, cooking, cleaning, and making sure everyone else’s needs are being met.  Too often we forget about our own needs. We’re so preoccupied with getting the to do list done, that we forget OUR NEEDS should be on that list as well. A little unsure of what you can do for you this week? Let me help…

Treat ‘yoself!

Maybe it’s leaving work or campus during the day to buy lunch.  Maybe it’s getting that extra caramel on your iced caramel macchiato.  What about leaving home a little early in the morning so you have time for that acai bowl or smoothie?  Change your regular routine to treat yourself to something you’re craving.

Get outside!

You’d be surprised what spending as short as 20 minutes breathing fresh air can do for a person.  Instead of driving to lunch, walk there! After or before work find a garden or beach or river way and allow your thoughts to drift away as you take in the beauty of nature all around you.  Stuck in a city? Pop in your earbuds and put on some calming music as you walk the busy streets.

Sign up for a new class!

Look into a class you could take this week!  It could be a work out class, meditation activity, or maybe a cooking class.  Not into a class? Schedule something different like a massage, manicure, or acupuncture appointment.  Think of something you’ve been wanting to try and sign up for that!

Exercise your creativity!

When was the last time you doodled, painted, sketched, danced, or journaled?  Don’t judge yourself for whatever comes out, just let the creativity juices flow.  You could even do this as a brain break throughout the work day. Set a timer for ten minutes at your desk, play some music, and get creative!

Drink more water!

You would be surprised what hydration can do for your mood.  It gives you more energy, makes your skin clearer, and improves your happiness.  Not sure how much you should drink? Take your weight, divide it by two, and your quotient is the amount of water you should drink per day in ounces.  For example, 140 / 2 = 70 ounces of water a day. Thats a little more than two Nalgene’s worth!

What other things do you like doing for you?  Let me know in the comments! Need help organizing your thoughts and finding time to take care of you?  I can help with that. 

Peace, Love, and Self Care,

Hala

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What Is Life Coaching?

What Is Life Coaching?

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One of the questions I get asked a lot is “What is Life Coaching?”  People often try to relate it to an experience they have had such as: “I’ve had a coach for sports…is it like that?  I’ve had a therapist…is it like that? I love my mentor! Are you like them?! What about a pastor? You must be something like that!”

While I love being compared to each of these roles, Life Coaching is actually quite different from an athletic coach, a therapist or counselor, a mentor, and a pastor.  We might all have characteristics that overlap, but in reality our roles are very different. Someone might work with each of the individuals listed above and still need to hire a Life Coach.  It’s pretty awesome how much help and support is out there, and how differently each option meets individual needs. So here’s the difference between Life Coaching and all the other roles we are compared to.

A Life Coach is NOT a Therapist

There is a time and place for therapy, and a time and place for coaching.  Often the two can go hand in hand. A person might seek out therapy for a variety of reasons.  Typically it is because of an emotion they feel or an event that has greatly impacted them.  Therapists are trained to help their clients process and understand their emotions. They are great at what they do!  Life Coaching focuses less on the “why” of emotions, and more on the goals you want to achieve. It is centered on the present and future while counseling spends a considerable amount of time dissecting the past.  Coaching is also client lead rather than therapist lead. A person might go to therapy looking for solutions for healing, while they might go to a coach for strategies on how to move forward or achieve something. For example, a client might see a counselor to help manage his or her anxiety.  Simultaneously they might hire a coach to help them find the job of their dreams. If a person is currently seeing a therapist, he or she should ask their therapist’s advice on whether or not a life coach would support their work in therapy or hurt it.  

A Life Coach is NOT an Athletic Coach

The biggest difference between an Athletic Coach and a Life Coach is that an Athletic Coach tells you exactly what you need to do.  They will give you your practice plan, tell you the skills you need to improve, go over plays you need to follow, and give you workouts you need to stick to if you want to get playing time.  They tell you where you need to be on the field or court, how to strike, hit, kick, shoot, throw, or catch. They tell you the changes you need to make to improve or be better. A Life Coach will never tell you what to do.  Instead, they will ask you questions that help you to think through potential changes you could make for yourself. They guide you towards making your own game plan. A Life Coach helps you to be your own play maker and practice planner.  They direct you so that you can learn to call the shots on your own life in order to help you get your desired outcome.  

A Life Coach is NOT a Mentor

Mentors are some of the best people on the planet.  They are usually wise and beautiful humans who are looked up to and exemplified.  Mentees ask mentors how or why their mentor did something or how they might handle a situation in order to get advice on how to manage their own lives.  Mentors are sought out because there is value in their opinions and the choices they make. Often times a mentee wants help making his or her life look like their mentor’s.  A Life Coach typically won’t share from his or her own experiences. They also won’t give direct advice, or a straight answer if you ask them what you should do.  This is because a Life Coach doesn’t want to help you make your life look like theirs, they want to help you make your life look like yours.  They help direct you to seek out your goal(s), and have special techniques they use to help you answer your own investigations.  They ask you questions that help you focus on who you are and who you want to be. Life Coaches are similar to mentors in that they come alongside you, they care about you, and they want to see you progress and succeed.  The major difference is that they make the conversation 100% focused on you, and leave their own life experiences and opinions out of it.

A Life Coach is NOT a Pastor

A Pastor is someone you go to for spiritual advice.  You might want to understand a scripture in the Bible or maybe you have a deep life question you need clarity on.  You might want to know who God is or what faith means. A pastor leads you through biblical principles and helps you to understand by either giving you answers, or directing you to a place where you will find the answer.  A Pastor is essentially a teacher of the Bible. A Life Coach does not teach. They will help you on your path (spiritual or otherwise) by listening to your thoughts, ideas, and questions. Life Coaches are trained to listen not only to what you are saying, but also how you are saying it, and how to help you dig deeper into the hidden meaning behind your words.  A Life Coach doesn’t give you the answers, instead they partner with you and assist you in examining your life to help you uncover the answers you are seeking.

Now that you know what a Life Coach is NOT, let me tell you more about who a Life Coach is, and what they do.

A Life Coach is a trained professional who “partners with clients in a thought provoking and creative process that inspires the client to maximize their personal and professional potential,” (International Coaching Federation).  A Life Coach helps you to think differently about your current situation through effective questioning. The role of the Life Coach is to empower you to see your value and capability.  A Life Coaching Partnership is a unique relationship because the coach is trained to be fully focused and tuned into you, the client, and your needs.  How rare is it to have someone else fully listen to you, with no distractions or tangents from stories the listener has heard or experienced? It’s all about you, the client. The Life Coach is attentive to helping you find the direction and clarity you are seeking in any number of areas of your life including but not limited to health and wellness, business, personal, or relational.  A Life Coach listens and guides you according to a goal you express to them at the beginning of your coaching sessions.  

Everyone can benefit from a Life Coach because we all get stuck from time to time.  We hit walls and forget who we are. We need a specialized professional to help us remember (or discover) who we were created to be and how we can begin moving towards becoming more like that person.  They help us to reach our potential!

I know I’m pretty biased, but I LOVE LIFE COACHING!  I even get coached myself, because, well, like I said, we all can benefit!  Coaching is my passion and I’d love to share it with you. Sign up for a free call and start your journey towards maximizing your potential and in turn creating a life you love.      

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