Inspiration/Motivation

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If you find yourself complaining a lot…read this!

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If you’re complaining about your life, your job, your relationship status, etc…

…You’re likely dissatisfied with your life.

Dissatisfied: : expressing or showing lack of satisfaction : not pleased or satisfied; discontent; not happy.

We all go through seasons of dissatisfaction.  Whether or not we stay in a season for an extended period of time is all about how we respond to the feelings of frustration, unhappiness, and discontentment.

A typical response to dissatisfaction is to look around at others we deem as happy, and copy whatever we think they’re doing right in their life.  If it’s a coworker who seems fulfilled by working late hours, taking on all the projects, and giving her all to her job then we might try to do the same.  If it’s a friend who seems fulfilled by a dating relationship we might think that’s what we need to be truly happy.  Maybe it’s a mom friend who is able to manage working from home, three kids, household chores, and all the other mom duties with joy and grace; we might think that’s what we have to do to be satisfied.

The problem with trying to do what everyone else is doing, is that you miss the opportunity to discover what will bring YOU satisfaction, joy, and fulfillment.

This January I’m giving women the opportunity to pause once a week for an hour and a half, reflect on their current life, discover the ways they have been trying to find fulfillment, tune into who they were created to be, and make a plan to actually find the satisfaction they are craving.

I’m doing this through a 5 week course called Return to You.

Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

There are SO MANY patterns of this world that we fall into on a regular basis and we need God’s word, the support from others, reflection, and stillness to renew our mind.

Comparison is one of those patterns.

Others include…

Self deprecation, or convincing yourself that you’re selfish

Believing you are unworthy of love, healing, joy, or fulfillment

Pushing down your emotions in the name of accomplishment and achievement

Allowing fear and anxiety to drive your choices, actions, and views

What are the patterns ruling you? 

How long have they been ruling you?

How much longer are you willing to let them rule you?

You do not have to live complaining and dissatisfied any longer.  God is calling you to NOT conform to the patterns of this world, so don’t.  Join us this January to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, and in doing so return to you.

Join us here to Return to You- the woman you were always intended to be.

 

3 Affirmations to Tell Yourself Every Day

3 Affirmations to Tell Yourself Every Day

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Have you seen that YouTube video of the little girl standing on the bathroom countertop and talking to herself in the mirror?  She dances and punches the air as she tells herself what she loves about her life. She essentially gives herself a pep talk to take on the day!  After watching it I couldn’t help but think about how we all need more of these daily reminders and motivational pep talks! It reminded me of the caretaker from The Help who tells the little girl she nannies for every day, “You is smart, you is kind, you is important.”  We work hard to affirm children, but you know what! As adults we need these affirmations too! There is too much hate and negativity in this world and it can be easy to believe the lies people say. We need reminders of truths about who we are and who we are working to become (read more about Who You Are in this post).

Did you know that by choosing to focus on new thoughts, you can actually rewire your brain?  According to Dr. Caroline Leaf, “ As we think, we change the physical nature of our brain. As we consciously direct our thinking, we can wire out toxic patterns of thinking and replace them with healthy thoughts,” (Switch On Your Brain, Leaf).  Training your mind to think differently takes discipline, but is extremely doable. It is also Biblical: “ Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his pleasing and perfect will,” (Romans 12:2).

We must take charge of our thoughts and renew our minds DAILY!  Here are three affirmations to tell yourself everyday to begin rewiring your brain:

I am loved

Did that make you cringe or roll your eyes when you read it?  Well guess what, that means you need to say it and believe it even more than the average person.  To believe it, try picturing someone you know that loves you and how they make you feel. This is a truth straight from the word of God: You were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and are loved beyond all measure (Ephesians 3:19) just the way you are (Romans 5:8) and nothing can take that love away (Romans 8:35).  Say it. Repeat it. Believe it.

I am capable.  

Don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you you can’t.  Some things take more work than others. Some take time, but know this truth: “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me,” (Philippians 4:13)

I am intelligent.

Speaking as someone who has taught Middle School Special Education for five years, I can tell you with confidence that there is no such thing as “stupid.”  Each of us has innate intelligence, and the more confident we are of that, the more that intelligence grows. No matter what your education, or who tells you otherwise you are intelligent (Acts 4:13 and Proverbs 9:10). Trust it. Know it. Walk in it.

Start with these three daily affirmations and begin asking God what else you need to say to yourself daily.  Journal about it. Reflect on it. Talk to others about it. Believing in yourself is a key aspect to creating a life you love.

I am always here to help you process and brainstorm.  If this is an area you’d like support in, let’s set up a call.  

Peace, love and affirmations,

Hala 

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Who Do You Say I Am_

Who Do You Say I Am?

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Have you heard the song “You Say” by Lauren Daigle? I want to encourage you with her words and God’s words today.

In our society we are bombarded with lies, discouragements, words that tear down, comparisons, and negativity. People make hurtful comments to one another to make themselves feel better. It’s easy to lose sight of who we are because we have so many people trying to tell us who we should be. 

There are a few questions I want you to consider today. The first is a deep one…

Who am I?

I know, I know. It’s a loaded question but one we need to meditate on! Who you are is different from who your best friend is, or your coworker, or the barista at the coffee shop. You were knit together in your mother’s womb and were created to be uniquely you. Make a list of the qualities that make you, you. Start with titles: I am a sister/brother, I am a mother/father, I am a daughter/son, etc. List as many as come to mind. Then move on to positive characteristics that describe you: I am kind, I am joyful, I am thoughtful, etc. Again, write as many as you can think of and don’t feel guilty for the list of attributes. Remember you were created by God who is himself good, so you must be good as well.

The second question to consider is…

Who do You say I am?

“You” being God. If you believe God is the creator of the universe, a truth teller, a father, a forgiver, YOUR creator then knowing who He says you are is of utmost importance. Lauren Daigle did some of the grunt work for us and tells us who God says we are. In her lyrics she sings, “You say I am loved (1 John 4:8) when I can’t feel a thing. You say I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:10) when I think I am weak. You say I am held (Psalm 34:18) when I am falling short, and when I don’t belong, oh, you say I am yours (John 1:12-13), and I believe.” These lyrics just scratch the surface of who God says you are.  Isn’t that crazy?! There is so much more He wants us to know about who we are, and the way to discover that is by learning more about who He is. 

I have two recommendations for you as you seek out the answer to “Who do You say I am?” The first is spend some time reflecting on this question. Ask God to reveal who He says you are. Write about it, pray about it, listen for answers to it. While there are general truths in His word, there are unique truths about YOU that you need to hear directly from Him. The best way to hear them is by writing or journaling about this question often. 

The next recommendation I have is to study out the character of Jesus. The four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) tell the story of Jesus’s life and ministry from four different perspectives. I would start by reading through these and then turn to a book or devotional. A few that have been recommended to me are: Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, A Case For Christ by Lee Strobel, The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey, Stop Calling me Beautiful by Phylicia Masonheimer, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, Desiring God by John Piper, Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldridge, and The Burden is Light by John Tyson to name a few.

If we don’t know who we are, or who we were created to be, we will begin to believe the lies thrown at us every day.  Find confidence in the truths that God tells you, and in the truths you know about yourself. Hang in there friend, and remember that you are loved.

Peace, love, and truths about you,

Hala

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How to Set a Goal

How to Set a Goal and Follow Through With it!

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Most people have a love hate relationship with “goals.”  They love the idea of having them, but hate the thought because they never follow through.  Goals can be rewarding, or frustrating depending on how you approach them, and how you write them.  Chances are, if you strongly dislike goals or goal setting, you probably aren’t doing it right. Let’s talk about the easiest way to set a goal, and follow through with it.

Ever heard of SMART goals?  It’s a bit of a cheesy acronym, but let me tell yah, it works!  When you think about setting a goal you want to think through whether it is SMART or not.  SMART stands for the following: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-based.

Specific

Starting out with a specific goal is very important.  Let’s say your goal has to do with saving money. You might start out by saying “I want to save up for a house.”  While this is a great goal to have, there are some weaknesses to it. The first is that it isn’t specific enough. How much do you want to save for a house?  What kind of house do you want to save for? Including this information in your goal will help you to have a more clear picture of what you are doing. Let’s make it more specific by saying “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house.”  Now we’re getting somewhere.

Measurable

The next part of the goal to focus on is to make it measurable.  In other words, can you tell you are making progress towards, and have reached your goal?  Right now as our goal stands, we have no way to measure it: “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house.”  Cool, but how do we know we can actually do that? Let’s add in something about saving a certain amount of money each month or each paycheck.  Maybe you can afford to not go out to eat as much, or shop as much. Let’s say you want to save $1,000 a month. Your new goal becomes: “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house by saving $1,000 a month.”  Getting closer!

Attainable

This means that it’s something we can actually do.  Maybe saving $1,000 a month is realistic, and maybe there is no way you can save that much and still afford to pay all the bills.  You need to consider what is best for you, and something you can achieve. If that number needs to be adjusted, do it! Don’t make a goal that you can’t actually meet.

Relevant

You also want to think through if this goal is relevant to your life and current situation.  Is now the right time to be saving for a house, or should you be saving to pay off loans instead.  Or maybe you’re in high school and saving for a house makes zero sense. Think through the goal you are writing and make sure it makes sense to your current situation.

Time-Based

Lastly, make sure your goal has a timeline in it.  If we only saved $1,000 for two months, we would be nowhere near our goal of saving $20,000.  When do you want to buy a house by? How long do you think it will take? Add in a time line. You new goal could be something like: “I want to save $20,000 for a downpayment on a house by saving $1,000 a month for two years.”  Boom! We now have a SMART goal.

Some other examples of SMART goals could be: 

  •  I will get more fit by going to the gym 3x a week and following the workout plan designed by my trainer for the next two months.   
  • I will drink more water by bringing two full 30 oz water bottles with me to work and finishing the first by lunch and the second by the time I leave the building.
  • I will spend more time with my family by leaving work at work, plugging my phone in when I get home from work and leaving it there until the kids go to bed, and planning a family dinner twice a week for the next three months.
  • I will read more by turning the TV off at 7 each night and spending an hour reading instead.
  • I will go to bed earlier by turning the TV off at 8 each night, plugging my phone in in a different room (besides the bedroom), getting in bed by 8:30 and spending 30 minutes reading or journaling.

 

What goal do you have that you need assistance writing a SMART goal for?  Let me know below and let’s see what we can come up with!  

Peace, Love, and SMART Goals,

Hala

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5 Things To Do For You This Week

5 Things To Do For You This Week

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One of the main reasons we get stressed and anxious is because we get wrapped up in obligations, deadlines, work projects, other peoples’ problems, deadlines, family responsibilities, cooking, cleaning, and making sure everyone else’s needs are being met.  Too often we forget about our own needs. We’re so preoccupied with getting the to do list done, that we forget OUR NEEDS should be on that list as well. A little unsure of what you can do for you this week? Let me help…

Treat ‘yoself!

Maybe it’s leaving work or campus during the day to buy lunch.  Maybe it’s getting that extra caramel on your iced caramel macchiato.  What about leaving home a little early in the morning so you have time for that acai bowl or smoothie?  Change your regular routine to treat yourself to something you’re craving.

Get outside!

You’d be surprised what spending as short as 20 minutes breathing fresh air can do for a person.  Instead of driving to lunch, walk there! After or before work find a garden or beach or river way and allow your thoughts to drift away as you take in the beauty of nature all around you.  Stuck in a city? Pop in your earbuds and put on some calming music as you walk the busy streets.

Sign up for a new class!

Look into a class you could take this week!  It could be a work out class, meditation activity, or maybe a cooking class.  Not into a class? Schedule something different like a massage, manicure, or acupuncture appointment.  Think of something you’ve been wanting to try and sign up for that!

Exercise your creativity!

When was the last time you doodled, painted, sketched, danced, or journaled?  Don’t judge yourself for whatever comes out, just let the creativity juices flow.  You could even do this as a brain break throughout the work day. Set a timer for ten minutes at your desk, play some music, and get creative!

Drink more water!

You would be surprised what hydration can do for your mood.  It gives you more energy, makes your skin clearer, and improves your happiness.  Not sure how much you should drink? Take your weight, divide it by two, and your quotient is the amount of water you should drink per day in ounces.  For example, 140 / 2 = 70 ounces of water a day. Thats a little more than two Nalgene’s worth!

What other things do you like doing for you?  Let me know in the comments! Need help organizing your thoughts and finding time to take care of you?  I can help with that. 

Peace, Love, and Self Care,

Hala

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Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Stuck

3 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Stuck

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Ugh.  I don’t know about you, but that “stuck” feeling is one of the worst and most frustrating feelings in the world!  It can show up at any time and in any area of our lives. I equate it to the feeling of being on a long walk where you can see the ocean in the distance, but the ocean just never seems to get closer.  Can you relate?  

Sometimes we feel stuck in our relationships – we want more from our marriage or a deeper friendship with someone.  Sometimes we feel stuck in our job – we’re uninspired or burnt out. Sometimes we feel stuck in a bigger way asking questions like “what’s next for me in life?” or “who even am I!?”  Or maybe you know you’re capable of being happier, but you’re unsure of how to manage achieving that level of happiness.

Feeling “stuck” can look different for all of us and can even evolve over time.  When we face this feeling, there are a few questions we can ask ourselves. The first is:

What does “feeling stuck” mean to me?

I recommend writing this question down and journaling about it.  You might find that there are multiple meanings to the word “stuck.”  It’s important to identify what it means to you, so that you can address a plan of action to get “unstuck.”  The next question to ask is: 

How do I want to feel? 

You know you’re stuck, but what do you want to feel instead?  Again, write this question down and spend some time journaling about it. Don’t hold back on what you want to feel!  Allow your emotions to spill out onto the page. Daydream a little! If you could feel one way for the rest of your life what would that feeling be? The last question to ask yourself is:

What can I do to take steps towards feeling the way I want to feel?

Creating a plan is empowering!  You’d be surprised at what you are able to come up with when you think through where you want to be in life.  It may take some time and even returning to this question on multiple occasions before you have a plan you are excited about.   

Each of these questions might seem simple, but they are a great starting point for helping you pinpoint where you are now, and where you want to be.  When I work with clients who feel stuck, these are the questions I have them begin with. We then dive deeper into their responses and consider more questions together.  I’d be happy to walk you through the process if you are wanting support!

 

Peace, love, and getting “unstuck,”

Hala   

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What Is Life Coaching?

What Is Life Coaching?

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One of the questions I get asked a lot is “What is Life Coaching?”  People often try to relate it to an experience they have had such as: “I’ve had a coach for sports…is it like that?  I’ve had a therapist…is it like that? I love my mentor! Are you like them?! What about a pastor? You must be something like that!”

While I love being compared to each of these roles, Life Coaching is actually quite different from an athletic coach, a therapist or counselor, a mentor, and a pastor.  We might all have characteristics that overlap, but in reality our roles are very different. Someone might work with each of the individuals listed above and still need to hire a Life Coach.  It’s pretty awesome how much help and support is out there, and how differently each option meets individual needs. So here’s the difference between Life Coaching and all the other roles we are compared to.

A Life Coach is NOT a Therapist

There is a time and place for therapy, and a time and place for coaching.  Often the two can go hand in hand. A person might seek out therapy for a variety of reasons.  Typically it is because of an emotion they feel or an event that has greatly impacted them.  Therapists are trained to help their clients process and understand their emotions. They are great at what they do!  Life Coaching focuses less on the “why” of emotions, and more on the goals you want to achieve. It is centered on the present and future while counseling spends a considerable amount of time dissecting the past.  Coaching is also client lead rather than therapist lead. A person might go to therapy looking for solutions for healing, while they might go to a coach for strategies on how to move forward or achieve something. For example, a client might see a counselor to help manage his or her anxiety.  Simultaneously they might hire a coach to help them find the job of their dreams. If a person is currently seeing a therapist, he or she should ask their therapist’s advice on whether or not a life coach would support their work in therapy or hurt it.  

A Life Coach is NOT an Athletic Coach

The biggest difference between an Athletic Coach and a Life Coach is that an Athletic Coach tells you exactly what you need to do.  They will give you your practice plan, tell you the skills you need to improve, go over plays you need to follow, and give you workouts you need to stick to if you want to get playing time.  They tell you where you need to be on the field or court, how to strike, hit, kick, shoot, throw, or catch. They tell you the changes you need to make to improve or be better. A Life Coach will never tell you what to do.  Instead, they will ask you questions that help you to think through potential changes you could make for yourself. They guide you towards making your own game plan. A Life Coach helps you to be your own play maker and practice planner.  They direct you so that you can learn to call the shots on your own life in order to help you get your desired outcome.  

A Life Coach is NOT a Mentor

Mentors are some of the best people on the planet.  They are usually wise and beautiful humans who are looked up to and exemplified.  Mentees ask mentors how or why their mentor did something or how they might handle a situation in order to get advice on how to manage their own lives.  Mentors are sought out because there is value in their opinions and the choices they make. Often times a mentee wants help making his or her life look like their mentor’s.  A Life Coach typically won’t share from his or her own experiences. They also won’t give direct advice, or a straight answer if you ask them what you should do.  This is because a Life Coach doesn’t want to help you make your life look like theirs, they want to help you make your life look like yours.  They help direct you to seek out your goal(s), and have special techniques they use to help you answer your own investigations.  They ask you questions that help you focus on who you are and who you want to be. Life Coaches are similar to mentors in that they come alongside you, they care about you, and they want to see you progress and succeed.  The major difference is that they make the conversation 100% focused on you, and leave their own life experiences and opinions out of it.

A Life Coach is NOT a Pastor

A Pastor is someone you go to for spiritual advice.  You might want to understand a scripture in the Bible or maybe you have a deep life question you need clarity on.  You might want to know who God is or what faith means. A pastor leads you through biblical principles and helps you to understand by either giving you answers, or directing you to a place where you will find the answer.  A Pastor is essentially a teacher of the Bible. A Life Coach does not teach. They will help you on your path (spiritual or otherwise) by listening to your thoughts, ideas, and questions. Life Coaches are trained to listen not only to what you are saying, but also how you are saying it, and how to help you dig deeper into the hidden meaning behind your words.  A Life Coach doesn’t give you the answers, instead they partner with you and assist you in examining your life to help you uncover the answers you are seeking.

Now that you know what a Life Coach is NOT, let me tell you more about who a Life Coach is, and what they do.

A Life Coach is a trained professional who “partners with clients in a thought provoking and creative process that inspires the client to maximize their personal and professional potential,” (International Coaching Federation).  A Life Coach helps you to think differently about your current situation through effective questioning. The role of the Life Coach is to empower you to see your value and capability.  A Life Coaching Partnership is a unique relationship because the coach is trained to be fully focused and tuned into you, the client, and your needs.  How rare is it to have someone else fully listen to you, with no distractions or tangents from stories the listener has heard or experienced? It’s all about you, the client. The Life Coach is attentive to helping you find the direction and clarity you are seeking in any number of areas of your life including but not limited to health and wellness, business, personal, or relational.  A Life Coach listens and guides you according to a goal you express to them at the beginning of your coaching sessions.  

Everyone can benefit from a Life Coach because we all get stuck from time to time.  We hit walls and forget who we are. We need a specialized professional to help us remember (or discover) who we were created to be and how we can begin moving towards becoming more like that person.  They help us to reach our potential!

I know I’m pretty biased, but I LOVE LIFE COACHING!  I even get coached myself, because, well, like I said, we all can benefit!  Coaching is my passion and I’d love to share it with you. Sign up for a free call and start your journey towards maximizing your potential and in turn creating a life you love.      

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Learn to embrace the challenge (1)

3 Tips for How to Embrace a Challenge

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I don’t know about you, but I’m a girl who needs some help with embracing a challenge.  Jack, my husband, is the kind of guy who loves understanding how something works.  He likes learning about cars and what makes one run better than the other. He enjoys watching how something is made and then seeing if he can make it himself.  He is particular about following a recipe because he enjoys seeing how everything comes together at the end. He is disciplined about pushing himself when working out.  He focuses on the process of just about everything he does.

I, on the other hand, am all about the end product.  Just give me a cute car that runs well and I’m set. Sometimes it is cool to see how something works, but like…I don’t need to make it myself.  As far as cooking goes, I’ll take the easiest recipe with the least amount of ingredients that takes the shortest amount of time to make. Or I’ll just do take out.  Working out? I’ve had my collegiate career. If I even work out at all, I’m more of a “20 minute elliptical, five minute abs and call it a day” kinda gal. I’m much more interested in getting to the end result of everything I do than I am about challenging myself and pushing myself through the process.  I just want to get there, or be good at things, or eat my meal yuh know? However, I didn’t realize until being married to Jack how much I’m missing out on when I choose to take the easy way out.

It’s not that I don’t work hard at the things I do.  It’s the way I work hard that I think makes me so different from Jack.  Jack pays attention to details. He does extra research on the things he enjoys like cars and brewing and cooking and skiing.  He attempts complicated tasks because the experience sounds awesome. Jack loves a challenge. I focus on the big picture. I do the bare minimum that I need to to succeed at something.  I don’t go out of my way to learn new things. I only attempt tasks that I know I can accomplish. I am fearful of being challenged.

Being married to Jack has put me in situations that have pushed me out of my comfort zone.  It has been terrifying for me, and yet so rewarding. I’ve been learning to attempt those complicated tasks. I’ve been trying to take my time more, and focus on the process. I’ve been gaining patience through perseverance.  Something I didn’t expect? The satisfaction of being able to look at something and say “I made that;” or “I climbed that;” or more recently for me: “I cooked that!” It makes me think of this scripture:

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 5:3-4

It’s important to challenge ourselves because it builds our character. I can definitely attest to that. I feel like I have grown SO MUCH since being encouraged by my spouse to take risks and try new things. He is helping me to learn to love the challenges that come my way (or sometimes to chase the challenges), and through that helping me to become a woman of noble character.  I’m not there yet, but that’s the goal isn’t it- to be a woman of noble character? At least it is for me. I’m grateful for a husband who is helping me to get there without even realizing he’s doing it. 

Here are three tips for you when it comes to embracing a challenge:

  1. Feel the fear, and do it anyway.
  2. Remind yourself it is going to be hard, and that is okay.
  3. Find gratitude in each step of the process.

Who do you have in your life that helps you to embrace the challenges you face?  I’d love to hear more about what you’re learning on your journey.  If you need any help I’m only a phone call away.  

Peace, love, and embracing the challenge,

Hala

 

 

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